Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
