We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
