Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize