Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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