I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
