Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how drunk are you?
Several
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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