Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
