I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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