Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I want a musical about memes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
