It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
