Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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