That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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