dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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