Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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