If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
