I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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