Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have aggressive nipples.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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