I'm gonna have a badass scar
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
