I bet he comes in French.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
