i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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