So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
