i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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