I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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