Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
