How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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