I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
