apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
