It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
