I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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