fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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