I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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