He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."