I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
