How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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