Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
