wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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