is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
