i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
