the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
