Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
