we're blogging at a bar
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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