i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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