Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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