The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
