you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
