Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
