Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
