they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
