I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
