I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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