We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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