She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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