I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
