Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
