i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
