he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
