the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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