There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
