I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
