it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
