no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
