I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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