The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
