Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
