Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize