Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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