And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
